I dont know what I'm expecting to get out of this, but I just want to get it out because I've had no-one to talk to about it really. But here goes.

I'm quite happy with my life at the moment, everything seems to be working out ok except that I'm single, and it's starting to bother me. Now, there are these two girls. The first one, T, is someone I met pretty recently and get on with amazingly well, we have so so much in common it's untrue, and people comment on it all the time. But she has this boyfriend, who is a nice guy, and I really get on with him too. Now, theyve gone on a break, and I guess I'm spending more time with her than he is. Which gives me weird vibes from him, even though I would never even think of doing or saying anything unless it was cool. The thing is, she told me that it's not so much that she wants to be with him as she doesnt wanna be alone. It's sort of fucking me up because I dont mind if I'm just her friend, although I definately wouldnt mind being more than that, but I do really like her boyfriend, and I dont want it to be weird, since we're going to be living together in a few weeks.
Then, there's N. She's really lovely, and we have quite a bit in common, but our lives are totally different. I live in a squat, and most of my friends here are anarchists and activists and pollitically minded people. She's happy to sit in Starbucks. I sponge off the government, she sponges off her parents. But I do really like her, and she's someone who, if I could sort of convince her about a few issues, she'd be so cool. Is it wrong to want to change someone? I'm also really bad at picking up signals, especially from her, so I cant tell if she's even that interested.

So yeah, that's really frustrating me. Any advice?

xxx

Yes. If you want to change someone before you even start dating them, thats wrong. She should be free to make her own choices in life. Also, someone's political opinions really shouldn't be a factor in whether you date or not. My boyfriend is a medium hardcore catholic, I'm a rabid atheist. He'll eat anything that moves, I'm a pretty strict vegetarian. Its far more interesting to have debates then it is to agree on everything. If you like other elements about her, ignore the fact she commits the *heinous* crime of drinking coffee in starbucks. Its not like she's going out and murdering grannies for kicks.

You CAN'T change someone. If you think you can, you are kidding yourself. If there is anything about her you don't like or can't deal with, then you shouldn't think about being with her.

You are right, it's not that I can't live with it, and if she made some sort of move I wouldnt be like "No, you're too mainstream!" Plus, you know, I do like her as it is, so those things dont put me off, and she's totally cool with all my views, which arent exactly hardline by any means. I dont want to change her, or what she thinks and believes in, like you say, she's not a skinhead for example. Also, I doubt that if I raised it as an issue she'd have a fit about it. I suppose I dont want her to change at all, actually.

xxx

By the sounds of your post, seems like you want the first girl more than the second. Just because your opinions and views and stuff on society and the world aren't the same, dosen't mean you cant be together or whatever.. She may think the way you and your friends are are quirky.. So accept her for flaws and all.. If the girl with the boyfriend on the break, breaks up with him permanetly and wants to be with you, would you let your other friendship come in the way?