its been almost a year and all i want is to be friends again like we were before we started fucking each other.
its getting ridiculous.
how do i make my ex understand that im a different person and i want to get to know them again?

let them know that you want to just be friends and that sex isnt on your itinary list

yeah telling them would be your best bet

Ohhh I'm in a very similar situation. I met this guy last September when we started university, and we became really, really close as friends. Then in March we slept together a few times. We both said we sort of had feelings for each other but, in reality, we basically had nothing better to do, we both wanted to be with someone and were trying to convince ourselves that it was perfect since we were so close as friends already. Over Easter, he started going out with another girl in our halls. I was pissed off about it for maybe a day, then stopped caring. The only thing I care about is that I've lost him as a close friend. I've tried to talk to him about it a few times but obviously, the more I desperately try to convince him that I really don't have feelings for him and just want us to go back to being friends, the more it sounds like I really do have feelings for him.

Sigh. I don't really know what to advise though, given that I can't figure out a way to sort things either. I guess the only thing to do is to give it time, and try and talk to them but don't keep labouring the point, otherwise they're going to think you have a hidden agenda.

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Why do we even have that lever?

thanks. thats basically my situation and the longer i "wait and see" the more and more convinced i am that they'll never want to talk to me again
but hopefully they'll realize im a good person and a great friend and that i really only care about their well-being