| im on the outside im looking in is a good song
i forget the guy who sings it, but he's fred's buddy.
it used to play all the time while i was washing dishes at my old job.
does anyone else find that the three days after epiphanies are like suicide watch? i'm not suicidal, but i figure something out and the next few days are the worst.
it might just be coming to terms with something true, and re-figuring out how to exist
all i can compare it to is when i was younger, they hippy idiots who made candles in the baseball stadium would give me benzedrine.
i was reading ian fleming's bond books at the time and parting my hair like a dad in the 1950's would, and the benzedrine went real well with all that.
benzedrine is kind of a joke, but the depression afterwards is the absolute worst.
three years ago now i used to go to this shitty little web-cam that showed an intersection in portland maine.
i'd suddenly have to wake up at 3,4,5 am to check on this scene and compare it to the one outside my own whether.
i remembered about it tonight and spent an hour searching, and finally found the camera. so much has changed in my life & my intersection is still the same.
i started crying (again) and then laughing at the stupidity of it all. weeping over a lot of nonsense.
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