A friend I've had for over 15 years recently pointed out to me that she doesn't think I'm a good friend, in terms of including her and making plans

She stated that she feels she is always the one to initiate plans and keep in touch and she's always the first to call or email me to hang out, I don't know quite when I allowed this to happen, but I am now an awful friend.

you know somewhere in middle school or high school all girls get really catty and mean, I was a really good friend but I guess I'm scarred and a bit gun-shy about being too overly nice or available for friends

I want to get past this but it's so difficult to just put myself out there and be a partner in all my friendships

Are you a good friend?

i dont usually return calls, and if my phone says 'private' is ringing. I ignore it.

i am a pretty awesome friend. i'm good at organising fun stuff to do etc. if i wasn't me, i'd be friends with me.

probably not.

im only a good friend whilst im interested in you. or else i have some kind of guilt feeling binding me to you.

im better with people online. im able to keep interested in them more. because when i know people on a day to day basis i just read them too easily and they're boring. at least online people retain mystique (mostly) through no hand gestures..etc. i also am not that interested in most anecdotes. who cares? im kind of mean, too. people get a little pissed about that. but i cant help it. i dont really like many people. i dont think im better i just cant... get interested.

so, no. ive got like 3 friends that i am interested in. (that's real life). the rest are like just here and there and i say hi and i look out the window at sea gulls.

On those basis, I am an excellent friend, i'm always the one organising and blah, because if I dont nothing would ever happen.

It pisses me off though >_>