i wish i had got part time jobs whilst doing my degree that were relevant to something. i don't want to work in retail. so i shouldn't have done only retail jobs. i should have tried to get part time office work or something as it would make it easier to get good jobs now

also, if you think something's wrong with you physically, don't be fobbed off by doctors or think you're being a hypochrondriac. make sure you get checked out. i'm really unwell now because doctors didn't listen and i didn't want to seem like i was crazy. buti knew something was wrong.

Thats not what George Micheal's been hearing lately....read>
http://breakingnews.iol.ie/entertain...6x&n=147938889

After reading this thread, I couldnt resist on a few "lyrics" to a well known piece..
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

That was the song I meant! Fantastic.

ah, well at least the good part is that you know what you need to do. it does suck that your parents dont see that though.

lol. Waw. I could write songs for flora

I kept singing "yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy"
a little while ago & truely believed I'd made it up & it was MYSONG
until a friend pointed out it's from an advert. I must have over-heard it
& it got stuck.

Guess I might have picked up the flora paragraphing in the same way.

I do like singing little songs. Especially to the cats.

Im currently on Zoloft, its ok, it just makes me too conceited to want to kill myself.

and Im gonna try to get some Adderall soon. i NEED SOMETHING TO DO RECREATIONALLY.

I tried to get some Oxycontin from over the net but ITS NEVER ARRIVED!

That's still you, rather than your situation. I am willing to bet that there are at least several hundred people in your town and thousands of home schooled kids who manage not to stalk celebrities or become serial killers. I hate my town and have no friends (I have one friend and a boyfriend, and both live 3000 miles away) and I'm not a serial killer, nor have I ever stalked anyone, though I'm close enough to LA to do so easily. I don't doubt that circumstances are shit for you but having read your posts, I also know that your attitude is shit as well. Childhood traumas or inherent mental problems result in serial killers and stalkers, not homeschooling or shit towns. I know the feeling of having nothing in your life that you enjoy. Over the winter there were times when I was so pissed off about how there was nothing about my life that I actually enjoyed that I would refuse to get out of bed for days. My parents still don't think my desire to change colleges is legitimate. But that doesn't change the fact that your attitude has a huge factor in everything, and yours is horrible. I don't think you can really deny this without deleting half your posts.

Okay, I see your point.

Lets say I have good attitude, what do I do with it?

NOTHING BECAUSE THERES NOTHING I CAN DO WITH IT!

And the reason why the kids in my town (population 750, NONE are homeschooled) are not stalkers are serial killers is because they dont know shit about pop culture, they live in trailers, and all they know is church and john deere tractors and im a looney because Im intelligent, different, and I dont date my cousins (yes they REALLY do).

all i can say is obviously not good luck being a drug addict because that's where your heading.



Basically En Ami as I read your post all i hear is that u feel trapped but even though you attribute it to external circumstances what i really see is that your just furthur trapping yourself.



So to go back to the thread topic What you with you'd have known....

DON'T DO DRUGS esp. when your depressed/miserable that is not considered recreational use my dear that is running away and leading yourself down a road of bigger problem than you can't even imagine.

Your perception will define your reactions to situations, if you think its hopeless than you'll feel like why bother, if you see a flicker of hope then you run towards it and better yourself. So really take a look at how your perspective limits your improvement or change

NOBODY can make you feel anything. Your in control of your emotions and responses do not falsely give someone else that much power, they can destroy you but it's your fault because YOU LET THEM.

You cant change anyone else only yourself. Others can adapt to your changes but that does NOT mean they will do so the way you wanted them to. If you try to change someone else they will end up resenting you if they were not ready to make those changes for themselves.


STOP PLAYING THE FUCKING VICTIM shit happens to all of us, sometimes equally as bad and sometimes worse than what it is another person has went through. Those who are able to move on are able to accept what happened (not forgive not forget) but since u can't travel in a time machine and change it then they choose to learn from the experience sometimes even finding something positive (personally i found alot of positive from a very fucked up childhood, end of relationships and an incurable illness so i know its possible) and build from that. Just because it DID happen doesn't mean that it still has to happen to you on a daily basis after 20 yrs. Move on already, otherwise your still trapped and being vicitimized but this time its BY YOURSELF and no you can't blame your parents/ex's/others for everything wrong in your life, you were there weren't you? what role did you play? that is not to say it was 'your fault'

YOU and only you are responsible for your own health and happiness nobody else has that much power over yourself and if they do ....... go get help bc they shouldn't you should and if your willing to sacrifice yourself for another its a symptom of a greater problem.

Meds are not the enemy sometimes they're necessary, if you need them take them bc at that point you are making a choice to move on from whatever illness has overtaken your mind or your body, if its bad enough it doesnt get better on its own ie.. cancer, bipolar, cardiac problems etc.. BUt they are not the only ansewer too you have to do your part as well..... sorry


appreciate your health i wish i had when it was in a better state.


in therapy it gets worse before it gets better your talking about all the shit that's happened and being held responsible for your actions and accountable to yourself and processing some very scary emotions but afterwards it does get better and it'll be worth it

if your predisopsed to menatl illness, marijuana can actually 'boil' your symptoms to the surface, like when you boil a pot of water, starts slow but can take what feels like forever to cool down, If you smoke and get paranoid do yourself a favor and STOP it is not for you....... sorry to break the news pot is just as bad FOR SOME as the other shit too

WELL THATS THE PATHETIC PART, IS I CANT EVEN BE A FUCKING DRUG ADDICT AND HAVE ALL THOSE FUCKING PROBLEMS BECAUSE I CANT EVEN GET A HOLD OF ANY DRUGS!

I guess I'll just have to start sending death threats to celebrities again, either that or suicide, maybe i should kill somebody, hell, all i know is i cant take this.

I'VE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES.

When I was about your age, (and living in Georgia no less), I had a lot of trouble and anxiety with school etc. I didn't like anyone I went to school with and if I did, I was too scared to talk to them...like so scared that if they looked at me I thought I would faint or have a panic attack.
I was also very vulnerable and susceptible to other kids picking on me which progressed into outright bullying...
I came home crying so much that my parents decided to homeschool me.

Didn't work for shit...I didn't do any of my work, and when my younger brother was born, I became his main caretaker and parent instead of my mother.
I became a full-time housewife...at 14...with no husband to blame it on.

I became so depressed and isolated though that I started staying indoors for weeks and watched tons of TV (and later was on the net all of the time) and started becoming very violent towards myself...stealing my parents pills, cutting and trying to make myself puke etc. and was very suicidal.
I was so dazed and out of it that my mother said that I had the personality of a "serial killer" and she claimed that due to my cold personality that I didn't love her or my brother...and that even though all of my time was spent with him I didn't care about him...which was not true.

Anyway, with all that ranting, all I can say is that you WILL make it out of this situation...I did, but it took a long time.
You're lucky to even have a therapist...my mother didn't send me to one, she said all I would do was make up wild stories about my "awful parents" and have child services come, because after all, I hated her so much. (according to her)

The only problem that remains though is that the scars are still there, and I still have depressive episodes...and have no money for any therapy or meds to help.
I just have to lean on my new husband and job until I can get the help that I need.

Just try not to let it get the best of you.

go to class. 25 grand a year is alot of money to be fucking off with a boy who will screw you over in the end.

appreciate your friends more. they are truly wonderful.

don't leave clothes at ppls houses or let anyone bororw anything important. they never return them.

don't be so sensitive.

wysteria, i'd also add - don't leave clothes at people's houses because if you decide you want to go out and realise your skirt is at your friends house, you'll be really pissed off.

go to lessons. i twagged the end of last year, start this year and my grades went from A's to D's. they're going back up again now.

if you're given coursework, just do it. don't leave it til last minute. you won't do it. or if you do, you'll get a crap grade.

don't argue with your parents. it makes things worse. just say "yes. no. yes. yes. okay. okay. sorry." and go sit in your room. it will help in the long run, however annoying it may be.

oh and the first boy you meet who you think is the love of your life probably won't be. don't fuck him.

shouldve known that one too.

Remember - there will be a time you feel gay. You may even get depressed because you think you are in the closet. How ever, this is natural for teenagers growing up because they are experiencing sexuality for the first time and experimenting.

Be warned tho, you are not gay, because God did not make you that way. If you really fancied men, you would have been born a woman. So get over it, shoot up some heroin instead to give you a real problem to think about, rather than if you take it up the anus.

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ahh yes. definitely should have heeded this advice some years back.