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01-06-2008, 07:07 PM
| | annoying y'all since 1962 | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Sunken City
Posts: 2,555
| | | Suri Cruise is Tom's "Rosemary's" Scientology Baby!
From "D-Listed.com," and alleged in Andrew Morton's latest tell-all book about Tom Cruise:
(it's almost so Crazy, I'm embarrassed to post, but here goes!):
Scientology Scandals!!!!
Andrew Morton's new tell-all on Tom Cruise isn't coming out in the U.K., but it is coming out in the United States on January 15th. The Daily Mail has a few juicy tidbits on what Andrew alleges. I'm scared, because those Scientology bitches are crazy. The article in the Daily Mail is long as hell and you can go here to read it, but let me break it down for you.
Suri Cruise was conceived using the frozen sperm of L. Ron Hubbard! Many fanatical Scientologists believe this. Morton compares it to Rosemary's Baby "in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child". Suri is the Alien Queen!
Tommy Girl is the #2 Scientology member in the world!
Tommy Girl has an extremely close relationship with Scientology leader, David Miscavige, and David even came to his honeymoon with Katie Holmes. GAY LOVERS!
When Tommy was falling in love with Nicole Kidman he told David he wanted to run through a field full of wild flowers with her. So David had his Scientology goons plant a field near Tommy's home. He didn't like it the first time, so he made them do it again. EXTRA GAY!
Nicole Kidman has kept her mouth shut, because she's afraid her audit tape will be leaked. When you join Scientology they "audit" your ass and tape all your confessions. It's mostly about your sex past and Nicole doesn't want that getting out. LESBIAN!
When Tommy was dating Penny Cruz, her father was afraid of the cult known as Scientology, so he emailed an organization that helps dealing with cults.
Tommy's next mission is to recruit David Beckham.
Tommy's lawyer, Bert Fields, denies it all and claims the book is filled with nothing but lies. He said Morton didn't speak to anybody around Tommy Girl and it's just an attack on Scientology.
I'll be surprised if Andrew Morton sees 2009.
I believe every fucking word of this. Suri Cruise is the chosen one and will one day rule Scientology. I hope she realizes was a freak castle that joint is and blows the lid on that crap. She won't, because she's programmed not to.
Below is a picture of Tommy Girl and Alien King David. I love the twinkle in their eye. The twinkle in their eye is telling me that there's also a little twinkle in their buttholes. Awww....gay love. There's nothing like it.
Now I must go and padlock all my doors and windows and take shelter under my bed. I know garlic thwarts off vampires, but what the hell thwarts off Xenu? The truth? Yeah, probably the truth. Don't take me Xenu!!!!! Somebody hold me....  |
01-06-2008, 07:25 PM
|  | bedroom revolutionary | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: under neon loneliness
Posts: 5,792
| | | Scientology seriously fucking scares me.
__________________ We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Party. |
01-06-2008, 07:43 PM
|  | ***WWW.VIPERROOM.ORG*** | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: in my house.
Posts: 2,628
| | I cant wait to read Andrew Morton's book. Even if it is bullshit, it will make one hell of a read! UK publishers aren't releasing it though because its um...untrue. Which i don't get consider the lies British tabloids tell everyday, why does our literature have to be true to fact!  |
01-06-2008, 08:03 PM
|  | M. Kahn is bent | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: SYMM
Posts: 1,339
| | | Crikey. Tom Cruise vs. Andrew Morton & The Daily Mail. I don't know who to believe. Can I vote for 'neither'?
I don't buy the stories about the Scientologists having evidence of Cruise or Kidman being gay. Or, more specifically, I think if they do have any dirt on them it's far worse than that - being homosexual would have done far less damage to their careers than their continued association with the whackjob church. At least Nicole seems to have escaped lightly.
__________________
His last request was a bulletproof vest or a god |
01-06-2008, 09:24 PM
|  | For all the right reasons | | Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,710
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Amity  Scientology seriously fucking scares me. | I just can't believe people actually are scientologists. How stupid do you have to be to get involved in that shit? |
01-06-2008, 09:32 PM
|  | thatyou didthis TOME | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,885
| | | |
01-06-2008, 09:51 PM
|  | Smokin' and drinkin' | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Peter Cook's ashtray
Posts: 5,141
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePrude | Eugggghhhh  Ugliest fivesome ever. So uggly it has two "g's." |
01-06-2008, 10:12 PM
|  | et dieu cree la femme | | Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 238
| | he so wacky!  |
01-06-2008, 10:15 PM
|  | You're just a toy, cowboy | | Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: drunkbrainland
Posts: 325
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by knifeyou I just can't believe people actually are scientologists. How stupid do you have to be to get involved in that shit? | I was audited by street scientologists one time, the machine wasn't working properly apparantly.. just like on the south park episode. They fiddle with some dials to get the result they want, you'd have to be legally retarded to believe that shit. |
01-06-2008, 10:20 PM
| | bedroom revolutionary | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: under neon loneliness
Posts: 5,792
| | | I was never audited, but I did personality tests at the centre near Tottenham Court Road with my friends for a laugh.
I am neurotic, anxious, depressed and irresponsible.
and of course, Scientology can help me with this.
__________________ We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Party. |
01-06-2008, 10:22 PM
| | Smokin' and drinkin' | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Peter Cook's ashtray
Posts: 5,141
| | | They are headquartered 10 minutes from where I live
They literally tried to kidnap two of my friends at one time. People have no idea how terrifying that cult is. They know how to bring the crazy. |
01-06-2008, 10:23 PM
|  | ***PURR*** | | Join Date: May 2006 Location: Calgary, AB Canada
Posts: 1,894
| | | they are very scary... |
01-06-2008, 10:56 PM
|  | ......................... | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: London, UK
Posts: 2,801
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Amity I was never audited, but I did personality tests at the centre near Tottenham Court Road with my friends for a laugh.
I am neurotic, anxious, depressed and irresponsible.
and of course, Scientology can help me with this. | I've wanted to go in there for AGES now. My friends are all too chicken shit to come with though, and I'm too chicken shit to go alone. 
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by clotty because DANCER is a RACE we can BE.
WE ARE DANCER!
*dramatic arm flourish* | |
01-06-2008, 11:55 PM
|  | repose most louche | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: feasting with panthers
Posts: 1,794
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by tracyr From "D-Listed.com," and alleged in Andrew Morton's latest tell-all book about Tom Cruise:
(it's almost so Crazy, I'm embarrassed to post, but here goes!):
Scientology Scandals!!!!
Andrew Morton's new tell-all on Tom Cruise isn't coming out in the U.K., but it is coming out in the United States on January 15th. The Daily Mail has a few juicy tidbits on what Andrew alleges. I'm scared, because those Scientology bitches are crazy. The article in the Daily Mail is long as hell and you can go here to read it, but let me break it down for you.
Suri Cruise was conceived using the frozen sperm of L. Ron Hubbard! Many fanatical Scientologists believe this. Morton compares it to Rosemary's Baby "in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child". Suri is the Alien Queen!
Tommy Girl is the #2 Scientology member in the world!
Tommy Girl has an extremely close relationship with Scientology leader, David Miscavige, and David even came to his honeymoon with Katie Holmes. GAY LOVERS!
When Tommy was falling in love with Nicole Kidman he told David he wanted to run through a field full of wild flowers with her. So David had his Scientology goons plant a field near Tommy's home. He didn't like it the first time, so he made them do it again. EXTRA GAY!
Nicole Kidman has kept her mouth shut, because she's afraid her audit tape will be leaked. When you join Scientology they "audit" your ass and tape all your confessions. It's mostly about your sex past and Nicole doesn't want that getting out. LESBIAN!
When Tommy was dating Penny Cruz, her father was afraid of the cult known as Scientology, so he emailed an organization that helps dealing with cults.
Tommy's next mission is to recruit David Beckham.
Tommy's lawyer, Bert Fields, denies it all and claims the book is filled with nothing but lies. He said Morton didn't speak to anybody around Tommy Girl and it's just an attack on Scientology.
I'll be surprised if Andrew Morton sees 2009.
I believe every fucking word of this. Suri Cruise is the chosen one and will one day rule Scientology. I hope she realizes was a freak castle that joint is and blows the lid on that crap. She won't, because she's programmed not to.
Below is a picture of Tommy Girl and Alien King David. I love the twinkle in their eye. The twinkle in their eye is telling me that there's also a little twinkle in their buttholes. Awww....gay love. There's nothing like it.
Now I must go and padlock all my doors and windows and take shelter under my bed. I know garlic thwarts off vampires, but what the hell thwarts off Xenu? The truth? Yeah, probably the truth. Don't take me Xenu!!!!! Somebody hold me.... | I so have to get a copy of the book via Amazon!!! My God, even the name "David Miscavige" just screams absolute CAMP.
Despite their protestations, I think Posh & Becks are ideal candidates for Scientology, they both have that wonderfully vacuous veneer ripe for being recruited, apparently though, the stumbling block here is that Victoria is reticent about giving money to the pod-people. I hope she can get past it, though, because Posh & Becks as Scientologists would provide entertainment value by the bucket load....
__________________ *Huggy Ragnarsson Is My Co-Pilot* "coming up on kittyradio, an erotic thriller featuring Shannon Tweed..." |
01-06-2008, 11:57 PM
| | repose most louche | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: feasting with panthers
Posts: 1,794
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Hetaera he so wacky! | "Dad, Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!"
__________________ *Huggy Ragnarsson Is My Co-Pilot* "coming up on kittyradio, an erotic thriller featuring Shannon Tweed..." |
01-07-2008, 12:09 AM
| | repose most louche | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: feasting with panthers
Posts: 1,794
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by PompousCunt I've wanted to go in there for AGES now. My friends are all too chicken shit to come with though, and I'm too chicken shit to go alone. | We should make this a London KR meet up!
I would be so up for it, we could make an entire day of it. I know of this fab cafe just down the road off Tottenham Court Road we can go to after, we could all trade notes on our audits and later go to the pub. We could post pics of ourselves in the snapshot thread of all of us outside the Scientology centre. We should all coincide a day we have off -hell, this is so tempting I'd even pull a sickie from work to do it! I bet kesh would really be up for it
EDIT: We could create a post meet up thread where we post our audits for those not lucky to have gone 
__________________ *Huggy Ragnarsson Is My Co-Pilot* "coming up on kittyradio, an erotic thriller featuring Shannon Tweed..."
Last edited by Champers : 01-07-2008 at 12:11 AM.
Reason: afterthought
|
01-07-2008, 12:15 AM
|  | pull me out of the lake | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: soho
Posts: 13,089
| | | fuck yeah. i'm THERE.
__________________
you'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking |
01-07-2008, 12:16 AM
| | pull me out of the lake | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: soho
Posts: 13,089
| | | also i kind of hope this is a true conspiracy. i hope they're all true, it would make the world so much more interesting.
__________________
you'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking | |
