BRITNEY CLAIMS TO BE ANNA NICOLE’S BABY’S FATHER
Hollywood — In a shocking development, two of Hollywood’s wildest stories came together on Monday when a newly bald Britney Spears showed up at a Broward County, Fla. Courtroom to claim that she is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby daughter.
The singer did not offer any explanation as to how it could be biologically possible, but nevertheless demanded that she be considered alongside Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead, Alexander Denk and Prince Frederick von Anhalt as Dannielynn’s father.
“Ms. Spears has paid me a $100,000 retainer and instructed me to argue that she is the baby’s father and that’s what I’m here to do today,” said Britney’s attorney Rodrigo Lopez. Another attorney in Lopez’s firm said that Spears called and hired Lopez after seeing an ad for him on the bench outside of the San Fernando Valley hair salon where she shaved her head last week.
Despite requests from other parties in the case, Judge Larry Seidlin declined to dismiss Spears’ claim before it is fully considered.
“To be honest, I find applicant Spears’ argument to be no more ridiculous than the idea that Zsa Zsa Gabor’s German royalty husband could have knocked up Anna Nicole last year,” Seidlin said from the bench.
Spears is requesting full custody of Dannielynn, as well as control over Smith’s fortune until Dannielynn turns 18.
“My client has demonstrated that she is an excellent mother who will not only keep Dannielynn’s inheritance safe, but raise her with good Christian values and teach her to drive before she’s three years-old,” said Lopez.
He added that Spears plans to introduce extensive evidence proving that she and Smith had a brief but torrid love affair last year amidst problems in her marriage to Kevin Federline. “My client also informs me that she met several expert witnesses during a recent one night stay at a rehab facility who will explain how she could have fathered a baby,” Lopez stated.
Sources close to Spears say she had completely forgotten about her affair with Smith until she was watching E! while getting a tattoo on her arm last week. The tattoo artist reportedly told Spears, “Hey, maybe I’m Anna Nicole’s baby’s father. Or hell, maybe you are!”