Can anyone tell me if this sentece is grammatically correct?

I am also thrilled at the prospect of working with one of the best faculties in the nation, and I will be in particularly honored to be able to work with one of the most renowned professionals in the field of XYZ, Doctor Q, whose research I find interesting and who I would like to have as a mentor.

Thanks

i would say:

I am also thrilled at the prospect of working with one of the best faculties in the nation. I will be particularly honored to be able to work with one of the most renowned professionals in the field of XYZ, Doctor Q, whose research I find interesting and whom I would like to have as a mentor.

your sentence has too many clauses to stand alone, so i split it into two.

__________________

Thank you. See, I was hesitant because I could not decide between who and whom. I went to the writing center and they did not catch the who but it didn't sound right so I posted here. Thanks a lot.

If you are still around, could you please help me with the followingL


My long-term goals are to XYZ while at the same time MNR

(I'm not sure if I need a comma before "while" I did not put one)

As a mentee, I will be able to use their guidance and feedback to work on XYZ and to design and improve my own projects, which I am looking forward to presenting etc.

Am I missing any commas here?
For some reason I think I'm overdoing this and I'm getting tired. I seem to have trouble with the smallest details ever.

this one is OK.

hi, thanks a lot.

here's one more and i promise i'm done.

"Through studying, working and socializing with these individuals, I will have the opportunity to learn from their experiences, to develop a sense of belongingness to a community that I admire and respect, as well as to grow as an individual."

Does this sound about right?

fine as well, though personally i would put a comma after working - but it's not necessary. both would be correct.

__________________

It's an either/or thing really but I would say something more like:
"I am also excited by the prospect of working with one of the best faculties in the nation. In particular it will be an honor to work Doctor ZZZZZZZ, one of the most renowned professionals in [his] field. I find [his] research interesting, and would like to have [him] as a mentor."

I think "thrilled" is a bit much, really. Also, they know what field Doctor ZZZZZZZ works in, so for the sake of brevity, I'd just allude to it. It's the first time I ever managed to type American Stylez ("honor") without feeling bad about myself.

I'd steer clear of "mentee", I think it's a bit gauche really. "While being mentored, I will..."

__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

thanks a lot.

One more thing (I wish I could give the two of you a green dot but I don't have a sub). Does this sentence sound awkward:

More so, through specializing in XYZ, I will be able to apply some of my strengths, such as my patience, listening and various communication skills, and my ability to express empathy and show respect for others' needs, with the goal of promoting positive changes in the lives of anxiety-disordered children and adolescents and the lives of their families.


and

Is it respect "to" or "for" others' needs?

Sorry, English is not my first language.

Thanks again!

Definitely not. Belonging.

__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

Respect for.

You need to keep watching out for excessively wordy sentences. How about:

Through specializing in XYZ, I will be able to apply some of my strengths, such as my patience, listening and various communication skills. I also have an ability to express empathy and show respect for others' needs. The goal of this is to promote positive changes in the lives of anxiety-disordered children and adolescents, and in the lives of their families.

__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

Sounds great. Thanks a lot.

Hey, Bort!

I don't want to take from your time but do you find this piece to long/boring? This is a piece from my statement of purpose for grad school. Do you think they'll get bored of reading this?

I think that is generally well-written, and interesting. Not too greasy, fairly concise. It isn't too long for a personal statement. I'd pretty much stick with that. I'll highlight some capitals you probably don't need.

My goals for graduate school are to obtain advanced training in psychological theory and research methods, improve my research skills, and conduct psychological research. Additionally, I am looking forward to acquiring teaching skills that will enable me to teach advanced Psychology courses at the university level. I am also interested in learning about cognitive-behavioral therapy and acquiring clinical training in conducting assessments and providing therapy. My long-term goals are to work in a major university as a professor and researcher while at the same time offer therapy services to anxious children. I believe that through attending theDoctoral Program in Clinical Psychology at XXX my goals are definitely achievable. Certainly, I am impressed with how well the program's curriculum balances teaching of scientific knowledge and research methods, research, and clinical training and offers students the best of these three interrelated worlds. I am also pleased by the prospect of working with one of the best faculties in the nation. In particular, it will be an honor to work with Doctor YYY, one of the most renowned professionals in his field. I find his research interesting and I would like to have him as a mentor. Through working with a faculty mentor, I will benefit from their extensive academic, research, and clinical expertise. While being mentored, I will be able to use their guidance and feedback to work on current and future research projects at QQQ and to conduct my own studies, which I would like to present at various conferences and to publish in scientific journals. Since I am also interested in teaching, I appreciate the fact that graduate students at QQQ are trained to teach Psychology courses and they are often provided with the opportunity to teach undergraduate students. Provided that the Department will grant me a position as a Teacher Assistant, this will allow me to grow as a professor. Moreover, through involving me in the treatment programs targeting children with social phobia and other phobias, such as those offered by the WWW, the Department will prepare me for conducting psychological assessments and treatment, and thus enable me to become a qualified clinician. Additionally, through providing me access to its technological resources, and comprehensive collection of books and publications, the Department will further aid my learning. Overall, the Department's faculty, resources, research facilities, and research and clinical programs will enable me to become a skilled, well-rounded and confident Psychologist.

__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

Hi, again!

You are right about the capital D's. However, I am confussed because in their question it says:

What are your goals and how will the Department (with "D") help you achieve these goals?

So, I don't know

This is only a piece of the "statement." They ask 4 questions and so that's just one of them.

I don't know what you study...but do you think it would make sense to talk about my research experience with anxiety-disordered adults or should I just talk about my experience that strictly relates to children?
It's tricky because I want to show that I have research experience and did all these things (which i listed on my resume but can't reflect on it there). However, they may ask why I don't want to do adult anxiety research since I did that longer. I motivate by saying that i love children etc.
I really don't know.

Using capital "D" is fine, but I wouldn't do it myself. I think you can mention briefly your experience with adults, it's a related field, and all experience is good experience generally.

__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

Will I take a huge risk if I were to p.m. you another paragraph. If that will be too much trouble, I understand. I hate I already went to the writing center twice this week and I couldn't submit this. Today is also the deadline...

I actually need to get going sorry! I have applications of my own to send off, as coincidence would have it, by 4:30 today (NZ time). I hope I have been helpful though and I think that you should be fairly confident that you sound good in your statement.

__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

I agree. Thanks a lot for your help. You are great.
I'm actually ready to submit my application....getting ready to pay online

Good-luck to you, too!