For 2 years I've had anorexia, and for a few months I was starting to get alot better. I ate more, and thought about food less.
But, as soon as the holidays started I had a relapse, and starved myself for a week. For the past two days I've been "binging", (eating three small meals a day, something I conisder to be binging) and I just feel out of control.
I don't know what to do. When I don't eat, I feel so light-headed I could faint. I can't drink alcohol anymore, because of my ED, and school is starting in a few days. I just feel so stupid. Part of me wants this, and part of me doesn't.
I'm also suprised, because I thought I coulnd't starve myself anymore, that all the willpower was gone, and then this week came and I just didn't eat.

All my friends know that I have an Ed, and that I was getting better, but they don't know about my relapse. I don't know if I can tell them.
What should I do?

Noone who's really experienced an ED will just quit it and put an end to it then and there. Most people are going to have relapses, be they "big" or "small".
Just try to work through it, if part of you doesn't want to continue being anorexic then you have enough willpower to stop. I hope you get better soon.

*hugs you*
hunny, just try to be strong and remember how you felt when you were eating and were getting better, perhaps that will motivate you to want to get well.
do tell someone you've relapsed as that way you will have the support and help you need to try again.
xxxxxxx

don't give up. most people have relapses. if you think you can't control yourself yet you want to stop, then my advise would be to speak about it and be honest. best of luck to you honey.

__________________
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'I need new clothes', she thinks, 'new skin, a mind I can bear to live in'.

Thanks so much for your advice. I did tell one of my friends who has recovered from bulimia, and she was very sympathetic.
In the past few days I have really been binging though, it's all very extreeme. One minute I'm living off air, and the next I am eating non-stop.
Hopefully the return of school will mean that I will eat more regularly, because I really need the energy, and I seem to do well at eating healthily whilst I'm at school. I might be going to a doctor soon, which I am looking forward to, because I do want to put this all behind me.
Thanks again. >_<

Has something stressful happened in your life lately, or have you felt worse than usual? I know it sounds cheesy but I ask because eating disorders usually come from something, often a feeling of helplessness and a need to control something, they rarely just appear. Maybe if you're relapsing it's the result of something in your life you haven't dealt with, or didn't know was bothering you because you channeled the need for control into eating (I've been there)? If you can't get over it on your own, see a therapist to talk both about the ed and your life in general. I would only tell really close friends, btw. In a school environment, girls can be incredibly catty about eating disorders.

I've been doing this quiet a bit lately too.

Yesterday, I got drunk and it was not pretty. I threw up water and bile.

Urgh

I'm not sure what really "starts" my relapses.
I remember I started starving after easter, a couple of weeks back, because I binged, and then I just thought, "You're never doing that again."
I ended up vomiting, and eating very little for a week and a half. Thats what usually seems to happen. I start eating well, and then just go to far and eat heaps of junk, and then I starve. Its so weird, because the last rough patch like that happened last year, and then for a few months the year before that, and I just had forgotton how to starve. When I start eating again, I seem to take it too far, and I can't stop.
I feel so horrible, because its just like a vicious cycle. Even when I do eat well, I think about food all the time, and I feel more depressed when I am eating. I'm also realising that I'm thinking more about throwing up my food, something which I thought I had left behind last november.
And for four days now I've been binging..Gah.

oh yes. One of my best friends recently attempted suicide, and has been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, and before last weekend I hadn't seen her for a month. (since she was in hospital with failing kidneys.) When I went to see her in hospital I was extreemly depressed, and was starving myself. (only for a few days that time.)
It brought back bad memories of two other close friend who attempted suicide. I think that would have had to have been the most depressed I have ever felt in my life. But I thought that I felt okay when the holidays started, because I had just had the best week of my life..
I can't figure out whats wrong.

I'm going through the same thing right now. I've suffered from anorexia for around a year and since the end of March have been 'recovering'. I was beginning to eat much better and getting healthier etc. But recently, I find myself giving into my old feelings of 'you've eating too much, and now is the time to fast'.

The past few days I've been doing what I call 'binging' although to everyone around me, it's apparently called 'eating normally'. So I've been waking up extra early in the morning to workout. I'm also generally active throughout the day. I haven't actually fasted for a long time, although some days a watch what I eat more than others...but today, I caved. I'm really confused and dont' know what I'm doing, why I'm doing this to myself but I just know that tomorrow when I wake up I will feel two things; I will feel great for not having eaten anything today, and I will also feel sad for the fact that I know I won't feel as thin as I used to....regardless of the fact i've not really gained any weight but I feel a hell of a lot fatter.

This is a really hard viscious cycle, PM me if you want to talk about it...we can get through this, but it's going to take time and patience,
F X

Good luck, goo, i can't even imagine the stress and the things that would go through your head trying to battle your ED. All i can suggest is as well as looking for support on the internet, to talk to your doctor or a councellor, someone who is a professional who will listen and help you.

I can definitely understand how you could fall back into old habits during a time when you're under a lot of stress. For some people, it's a coping mechanism. I do believe that if you really have the desire to recover, you can. I know it will be hard. These are habits that are programmed into you now, and if you abandon them, you might feel like a part of you is missing. But you said you went for months where you were doing better. If you could do it before, I know you can do it again! You just need support. I definitely would recommend seeking the help of a professional, as recalcitrant said, because he or she will be able to give you the tools to cope with stress, depression, etc. in more healthy ways. Sorry for the rambling... I just know what a hellish cycle it is, no matter if you're bingeing, purging, starving -- whatever. The main point is good luck!! Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat, vent, or anything.