i'm trying to recover from bulimia on my own, but in breaking bad habits i fear i'm just developing other equally bad habits. rather than throwing up after eating i find myself eating less and less. i'm really trying here, i don't want to feel like a slave to this anymore any advice? i'm most unhappy and not sure what to do.

How long have you been bulimic?

does it make any difference what you eat?
do you exercise?

maybe try to arrange to speak with a nutritionist? I self-recovered from bulimia, but it was more driven by how fucked up my body was getting, and in the end my hypochondria won out over the disorder.

Start exercising (without doing it compulsively), that will help you burn off the extra calories. And talk to a therapist and if possible a nutritionist. You need to do a sort of whole-body healthy habits improvement, not just stop purging. Research nutrition, plan your meals (to some extent), eat better, start exercising. You'll be able to stop purging without gaining weight.