Maybe in his mind he thought he would "frighten" you into weight loss, but it is seriously ill-thought out to blame miscarriages on you. However that is a very cruel thing to say to someone and completely counter productive. If you were so fat you weren't fertile to get pregnant in the first place, then that would be grounds for losing weight to get a baby- but being stressed and dieting is more likely to miscarriage a baby then keeping your weight stable- the body is very sensitive to changes like that. Start exercising suddenly or drop weight suddenly and your fertility pretty much shuts down as well.

/\ Well
This, pretty much

ALSO GEEK THIS ISN'T THE "LOOONG BREAK" you were promising your body & mind, remember?

Eating healthily whilst trying to get healthy & then whilst even thinking about TTC is far more important than deciding your body is "too fat" to carry a baby

You already know all this
I'm just scolding
<33

& i've been so far underwieght in teh past that it caused me to miscarry, & so stressed out + not eating properly/fluctuating unhealthy weight drop that it cause temporary infertility/inability to carry a bebe to term

& then big complications when I did manage it; v high-risk scary pregnancy, scary 23.5 hr labour & delivery, & post-natal probs for both me & lil one (including anemia for kid & me, postpartum hemmorrage and all kinds of goodies) Which. You. Do. Not. Want!

Also: What clotty said
Reed needs to stop already w/teh blamegames
I get it that you're both frustrated but yanno what: soylent is still in school; affording proper support for another lil one is not cheap and and and...all that other stuff
Simmer. Down.

Please?
:love;

&sigh

Chyia

i know right.

i don't feel fat. i'm not "fat" in the technical sense of the word but i have a belly roll that won't go away. its all that stretched out skin from being 106" in diameter while pregnant. i was GIANT. he wishes i looked like i looked before (yeah, me too). i think he thinks he'll motivate me by saying 'if you exercised it would go away!' but it just makes me want to go to diary queen


i think they DO say stuff like that (about weight) thinking they are being helpful and supportive. not to be asses. but how can it not come off that way? it just does.

the miscarriage thing is so hard because there is NO way to know exactly what is going on. so the blame game doesn't get you guys anywhere but works up resentment.


does he know he's hit you to the core wiht the blame? have you verbalized that?

if your doctor said it's that your eggs are older then that is probably it. being fat should not have ANYTHING to do with how the mitochondria are splitting and how a foetus is growing. the age of an egg could have everything to do with that. fertility starts dropping off around 27. your weight might have something to do with your blood pressure but it isn't going to cause the issues that you're having with foetus development kwim?

you are obviously still fertile because you have no problems conceiving. but babies that aren't growing correctly will miscarry. and so there isn't anything you can actively *do* about that except try again and hope for the best. or decide you can't handle the emotional turmoil of that and take a break. it sounds like that is what you want or need right now. even if that isn't what he wants

and even if reed's sperm are adequately fertile there's no way to prove whether it is his sperm dna or your egg dna which are contributing to the babies not developing normally. any kind of cell damage from environmental factors or whatever can damage dna.


anyway. so much stress fertility is such a hard thing. i have one friend who had 5 miscarriages before she got her daughter. and they are stopping at one. she can't handle going through that again.