so i went into hospital on saturday for my second appointment and im no longer 'with child'. im having weird mixed feelings, i cry at baby clothes, then re assure myself i did the right thing for all the right reasons. Then i have a bout of guilt, to which i feel disgusted by myself, and cry..
Last night i found out a girl i have known for years has just announced shes pregnant and keeping it. i am by far in a better position than i believe she is to bring a child into the world, shes 19, still lives with her parents, hasnt got a full time job, has been with her partner about 4 months, and has got the mentallity of a 14 year old. she goes out drinking every weekend and is basically living like any other teenager. yet shes pregnant and thrilled, announcing it all over Facebook... i really dont think she will realise how much her life is going to change. no more drinking every weekend, no more selfishness, no more time just for her and 'gaz'. waking up every couple of hours in the night to feed and change it, stress levels at the maximum. so they will probably end up splitting up and then she's left holding the baby.. it's just not visable..
i feel bitter because i just dont see how it can work for her and not me..
im too young, i have my own flat, car, job... however, i have only been with my partner 12 months and as much as we love eachother, we still dont know eachother inside out. i want to go on holiday to some exotic place, just me and him. i want to be able to afford to save money and enjoy myself, basically i want to be selfish, and so i should be at 19.. it just hurts so much to know we made a little life that couldnt be. having a child now 'just beacause it happened', is terrible in comparisonto having one when im mentally and financially ready. i know it's not something you always plan, to have children, but there is going to be a time in my life that has to be better than now. i imagine i sound like an awful person but i just feel so low lately. at least im honest.

has anyone else been through a termination who can give (sensible) feedback on how they felt?

Haven't been thru a termination - I'm a guy - but I realised I can never have children because I damaged my testicles due to an STD when I was a teenager. Coming to terms with never being able to conceive took a long time. It hurts. I really wanted to have children and I do not care if I am financially ready (you never are) and mature enough to have one because I see other teenagers getting pregnant at 12 and coping, so why cannot I deal with a new life?

I am religious (Catholic) so I believe in having children, that is why God put us here. To multiple.

I am really proud of my neice, she gave birth at 19/20 I think - well it was 4 years ago and she was born 85. I take care of Kyle like he is my own - we all live together - 4 generations in one house! We all love Kyle though and he is really spoilt

But, I guess my only option is to live vicariously through my neices' pregnancy and Kyle is the closest thing to a child I will ever have so I do everything I can for him. I love him to bits

You will never get over the termination - but at least you have the option to try again in the future (that's the best I can think of right now).

your neice is lucky to have her family around her to help and support her. thats special.
Its sad to hear that you can't have you own children, that also made me feel disgusted by myself, to know there are people out there who would literally have given anything to be able to concieve and be in my position, yet i made this choice. i really do feel terrible, there isnt a minute that i dont think about what might have been, but i have listened to my head and not my heart. which is the practical option but definatly the hardest.

I am beginning to think you regret what you did and that it is so final. It must be terrible to have regrets because some people just know that having a child at that point in life would be impossible and completely out of the question - just not feisable.

But perhaps you could have coped, it would have been a struggle, and your partner might have left you, but you would have a new meaning to your life...a purpose to live.

What you must consider is that when you are ready to have children, whatever your requisites are for having a child, that you will eventually be in a position to offer your new child a loving, safe, financially secure environment that from which every one will benefit. Especially you.

Right now, the fact that you even considered a termination, this shows how terrible it would be to have gone thru with the pregnancy. Because, I just know, any woman given the choice to have a child will give birth unless there is a serious reason not to have the child. But, afterwards, it is perfectly normal to feel awful for what has taken place. That is natural to feel like crap because you will and most certainly do miss your child. You see, even though the child was unborn, a bond was formed in the months preceding what happened. Now, you have severed that bond - that commitment to live for another.

And it will hurt like hell, for a very long time. There will be many phases you go thru, such as denial it happened, to eventually coming to terms with what happened and finally acceptance that this time, it was not meant.

Well, I really feel for you right now - on so many levels I cannot relate to this - because this is loss of life rather than denial of life like in my case. But, here in the UK we say stiff upper lip and all that. That means, you need to deal with this, carry on with your life, and do not let it destroy you from the inside.

Perhaps, take a day to mourn, the whole day think about what happened, write letters and burn them, visit a grave yard, place flowers down, and after that day resolve that you have mourned, and that is the best you can do, but now you have to think about your self, and accept what has happened can never be reversed and it is time for you to change, mature, grow older, and wiser, and eventually, one day, it will be right for you, with a man by your side, to carry life in to this world to care for until you grow old and die.

It's your choice.

You chose what is right for you.

Now you have the responsibility to make sure it does NOT happen again until it's the right time.

You'll feel shit for a while

But I'm sure you know in your head that when you're much better equipped to be able to handle such a HUGE thing in your life, it will happen for you.

Btw it probably wont 'work' for this other girl. She'll be unhappy probably, and I bet she'll be jealous of you and your life as a 'free' young person.

I guess the whole guilt thing is normal for what you've gone through, and you'll feel better about it eventually.

This is coming from someone who has no idea what you've gone through so this is probably no help at all.