For my design class assignment I need to illustrate and hand bind a 15 page book based on childhood memories or snapshots. I chose to do my book about odd/weird/funny things you believed or were told as a child. Not the greatest idea but meh. Due to the binding taking an inordinate amount of time I only have about five decent illustrations and desperately need some more stories. Tried websites but the majority of the stories aren't funny just retarded. Halp pls?

__________________
Everything good, I deem too good to be true
Everything else is just a bore
Everything I have to look forward to
Has a pretty painful and very imposing before

-I was a heavy reader as a child so I always believed that the state of Arkansas was pronounced ARRR-KANSAS. "Just sound it out", right?

-I thought that canned laughter on sitcoms was real.

-When in the car with my mom and someone would merge in front of us, I always assumed that it was rude and I'd say "Hey, they cut in front of you!" and my mom just laughed not knowing that I was serious.

-I believed that since caterpillars were fuzzy that they would be cool to kiss. So I kissed one and the tiny threads were so tiny and fine that they got stuck in my lips and I screamed for hours that I had fuzz on my lips.

-I thought there was really such things as green eggs and ham and I swear to this day that someone in my family told me there was. To say it CONFUSED THE SHIT OUT OF ME for many many years is an understatement.

-Before I had ever touched an instrument, I thought that just because I loved music so much and remembered each song so vividly that I would easily be able to play any instrument I wanted. Right off the bat.

-I was told that my mom accidently broke my spring/rocking horse (favorite toy) when she was moving it to clean but the truth was that one of my dad's friends was over, really drunk, trying to be funny and sat on it and broke it.

-Okay this is totally fucked up and not even my story, but my best friend of 25 years had this dog when we were little and all of a sudden it was gone and her mother told her she gave it to their uncle. The truth however was that the airport lost the dog (it got out somehow and nobody ever found it) when they were flying it to NJ with the rest of the family for the summer. The worst part about it was that her mom told our mutal friend's mom and that mother told her daughter (our friend) and once when all of us were at recess or some shit, my best friend referred to her dog being with her uncle and that other friend of ours said "Your uncle doesn't have your dog! He never did! Your dog got out at the airport and is gone!"

my dad once told me a haggis was a like a haire (or a cow? i cant remember) that lived in the hills and its back legs were so much bigger than its front legs it could only go down hills so they caught them when they were trying to get up hills. (OR YKNOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE OTEHR WAY AROUND, I DONT REMEMBER)

well there's always the ole "tiny people are actually somehow IN the television set."

and also i'll tell you this story (which i've probably told already here but do you care? i really don't): when i was a small person i was scared of snakes so my family told me that whole "they're more afraid of you than you are of them" bullshit. which lead to my grandmother doing something in the yard and turning around to see me with my face two inches away from a big grass snake, shouting "DON'T BE AFRAID, MR. SNAKE! I WON'T HURT YOU!" so that didn't go over too well.

and of course there is always plenty to be done with where all those damn babies keep coming from.

and how the anatomy of dolls of the opposite sex might be really confusing at some point.

LOL i love this. I tell people that their left legs are longer than their right legs so they can only run clockwise around a hill, so if you're going to try to catch a haggis you have to approach around the hill anti-clockwise and then it can't get away.

I too thought arkansas was pronounced as it is spelled.

I love this thread but have no good things to add to it.