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  #1  
Old 06-03-2006, 09:48 AM
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Not so good poetry I wrote.

I had a daydream of sitting in weeds.
the sun in the ashtray,
thawing cold feet.
I had a nightdream of crying over words,
the most brutal and beautiful I'd ever heard.
I had a daymare of choking on tongue,
the swelling goes down,
just to fill up my lungs.
I went to sleep.
I kept my lids shut.
I'd sit in the the flowers,
but I haven't the guts.

xxx
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  #2  
Old 06-03-2006, 10:42 AM
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i like it.
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  #3  
Old 06-04-2006, 08:20 AM
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Thankyou
xxx
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  #4  
Old 06-04-2006, 08:26 AM
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yep
it's pretty bad
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  #5  
Old 06-04-2006, 08:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl Germs
yep
it's pretty bad
i've seen worse. the first three lines were okay (you managed to use the word "ashtray" without it sounding too terrible, which is something) before it went to shit, but then you salvaged something with the last four lines.
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  #6  
Old 06-04-2006, 04:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl Germs
yep
it's pretty bad
you are so brutal i dont know if it's funny or sick.
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  #7  
Old 06-04-2006, 04:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dee_bourgeois
I had a daydream of sitting in weeds.
the sun in the ashtray,

I had a nightdream of crying over words,
the most brutal and beautiful I'd ever heard.

xxx
this part is really good.
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  #8  
Old 06-05-2006, 04:22 AM
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I really like it. Did you made up daymare?? is that a word?
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  #9  
Old 06-05-2006, 04:28 AM
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it's not bad.

i too like "daymare".

i gotta say, though, the title of this thread put me off quite a lot.

have a bit of fuckin pride in yourself and what you create.

it's important.
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  #10  
Old 06-05-2006, 04:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clinquant
it's not bad.

i too like "daymare".

i gotta say, though, the title of this thread put me off quite a lot.

have a bit of fuckin pride in yourself and what you create.

it's important.
it's called humility.-
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  #11  
Old 06-05-2006, 04:39 AM
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I liked all of it except the "daymare" thing.
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  #12  
Old 06-05-2006, 04:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighClassHo
it's called humility.-
from the author of a thread titled "Shit poetry I wrote", i'm not surprised that you feel that way.

i didn't even read your thread.

shit poetry? no thanks.
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  #13  
Old 06-05-2006, 06:32 AM
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To all who liked it- cheers.
To all who didnt- I told you so.

xxx
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  #14  
Old 06-05-2006, 06:37 AM
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Perhaps you should try non-rhyming verse.

Last edited by Sridevi : 06-05-2006 at 06:42 AM. Reason: I wanted to exchange my lower case 'p' for an upper case 'P'. ;O
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  #15  
Old 06-06-2006, 12:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clinquant
from the author of a thread titled "Shit poetry I wrote", i'm not surprised that you feel that way.

i didn't even read your thread.

shit poetry? no thanks.

you didn't read it because you are an idiot that takes everything way too seriously. thanks.
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  #16  
Old 06-06-2006, 01:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighClassHo
you didn't read it because you are an idiot that takes everything way too seriously. thanks.
that's right.

an idiot who takes everything way too seriously and doesn't particularly enjoy reading "shit poetry".

so thank you for your descriptive thread title.

saved me some time to go find other threads much more worthy of my serious idiocy.

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  #17  
Old 06-06-2006, 01:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clinquant
that's right.

an idiot who takes everything way too seriously and doesn't particularly enjoy reading "shit poetry".

so thank you for your descriptive thread title.

saved me some time to go find other threads much more worthy of my serious idiocy.


I was being tongue in cheek, I'm actually proud of that poem. but you are too slow to get my thread title.
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  #18  
Old 06-06-2006, 02:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighClassHo
I was being tongue in cheek, I'm actually proud of that poem. but you are too slow to get my thread title.
damn text and it's lack of tone...

we should really have a seperate font for tongue in cheek thread titles.

ya know, for those of us who aren't psychic?

and if that ever happens i still won't read your shit poetry.

mainly cause of this conversation we've had here.

ya see, besides being an idiot and serious and "slow", i'm also pretty stubborn and snobby too.
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  #19  
Old 06-06-2006, 02:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clinquant
damn text and it's lack of tone...

we should really have a seperate font for tongue in cheek thread titles.

ya know, for those of us who aren't psychic?

and if that ever happens i still won't read your shit poetry.

mainly cause of this conversation we've had here.

ya see, besides being an idiot and serious and "slow", i'm also pretty stubborn and snobby too.
yeah I noticed you are snobby and stubborn. But you are the only one who misses out, I should know, I'm stubborn and snobby too.
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  #20  
Old 06-06-2006, 02:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighClassHo
yeah I noticed you are snobby and stubborn. But you are the only one who misses out, I should know, I'm stubborn and snobby too.
and yet, knowing that doesn't stop you from being stubborn and snobby either.

given our similarities in this aspect i'm surprised we don't lock horns more often.

i'll get some mad trolling work done though and see what i can do to remedy the situation.

i think it'll be good.
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