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06-03-2006, 09:48 AM
|  | sign yr reps i'm poor. | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Leeds, UK
Posts: 548
| | | Not so good poetry I wrote.
I had a daydream of sitting in weeds.
the sun in the ashtray,
thawing cold feet.
I had a nightdream of crying over words,
the most brutal and beautiful I'd ever heard.
I had a daymare of choking on tongue,
the swelling goes down,
just to fill up my lungs.
I went to sleep.
I kept my lids shut.
I'd sit in the the flowers,
but I haven't the guts.
xxx |
06-03-2006, 10:42 AM
|  | on your knees. | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: street corner
Posts: 85
| | i like it.  |
06-04-2006, 08:20 AM
| | sign yr reps i'm poor. | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Leeds, UK
Posts: 548
| | Thankyou
xxx |
06-04-2006, 08:26 AM
| | SUGAR COATED SOUR | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: AUSTRALIA
Posts: 3,931
| | | yep
it's pretty bad |
06-04-2006, 08:44 AM
|  | for beauty douglas | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: i am the cheese
Posts: 9,892
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Girl Germs yep
it's pretty bad | i've seen worse. the first three lines were okay (you managed to use the word "ashtray" without it sounding too terrible, which is something) before it went to shit, but then you salvaged something with the last four lines. |
06-04-2006, 04:25 PM
|  | might as well be twisted | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: KR hole
Posts: 2,077
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Girl Germs yep
it's pretty bad | you are so brutal i dont know if it's funny or sick. |
06-04-2006, 04:27 PM
| | might as well be twisted | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: KR hole
Posts: 2,077
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by dee_bourgeois I had a daydream of sitting in weeds.
the sun in the ashtray,
I had a nightdream of crying over words,
the most brutal and beautiful I'd ever heard.
xxx | this part is really good. |
06-05-2006, 04:22 AM
|  | a.k.a Madge Spammer | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Panama
Posts: 8,223
| | | I really like it. Did you made up daymare?? is that a word? |
06-05-2006, 04:28 AM
|  | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: canada
Posts: 1,427
| | | it's not bad.
i too like "daymare".
i gotta say, though, the title of this thread put me off quite a lot.
have a bit of fuckin pride in yourself and what you create.
it's important. |
06-05-2006, 04:37 AM
| | a.k.a Madge Spammer | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Panama
Posts: 8,223
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by clinquant it's not bad.
i too like "daymare".
i gotta say, though, the title of this thread put me off quite a lot.
have a bit of fuckin pride in yourself and what you create.
it's important. | it's called humility.- |
06-05-2006, 04:39 AM
|  | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,168
| | | I liked all of it except the "daymare" thing. |
06-05-2006, 04:43 AM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: canada
Posts: 1,427
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by HighClassHo it's called humility.- | from the author of a thread titled "Shit poetry I wrote", i'm not surprised that you feel that way.
i didn't even read your thread.
shit poetry? no thanks. |
06-05-2006, 06:32 AM
| | sign yr reps i'm poor. | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Leeds, UK
Posts: 548
| | | To all who liked it- cheers.
To all who didnt- I told you so.
xxx |
06-05-2006, 06:37 AM
|  | Banned | | Join Date: May 2006 Location: londonistan
Posts: 572
| | | Perhaps you should try non-rhyming verse.
Last edited by Sridevi : 06-05-2006 at 06:42 AM.
Reason: I wanted to exchange my lower case 'p' for an upper case 'P'. ;O
|
06-06-2006, 12:24 AM
| | a.k.a Madge Spammer | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Panama
Posts: 8,223
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by clinquant from the author of a thread titled "Shit poetry I wrote", i'm not surprised that you feel that way.
i didn't even read your thread.
shit poetry? no thanks. |
you didn't read it because you are an idiot that takes everything way too seriously. thanks. |
06-06-2006, 01:27 AM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: canada
Posts: 1,427
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by HighClassHo you didn't read it because you are an idiot that takes everything way too seriously. thanks. | that's right.
an idiot who takes everything way too seriously and doesn't particularly enjoy reading "shit poetry".
so thank you for your descriptive thread title.
saved me some time to go find other threads much more worthy of my serious idiocy.  |
06-06-2006, 01:47 AM
| | a.k.a Madge Spammer | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Panama
Posts: 8,223
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by clinquant that's right.
an idiot who takes everything way too seriously and doesn't particularly enjoy reading "shit poetry".
so thank you for your descriptive thread title.
saved me some time to go find other threads much more worthy of my serious idiocy. |
I was being tongue in cheek, I'm actually proud of that poem. but you are too slow to get my thread title. |
06-06-2006, 02:17 AM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: canada
Posts: 1,427
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by HighClassHo I was being tongue in cheek, I'm actually proud of that poem. but you are too slow to get my thread title. | damn text and it's lack of tone...
we should really have a seperate font for tongue in cheek thread titles.
ya know, for those of us who aren't psychic?
and if that ever happens i still won't read your shit poetry.
mainly cause of this conversation we've had here.
ya see, besides being an idiot and serious and "slow", i'm also pretty stubborn and snobby too. |
06-06-2006, 02:27 AM
| | a.k.a Madge Spammer | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Panama
Posts: 8,223
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by clinquant damn text and it's lack of tone...
we should really have a seperate font for tongue in cheek thread titles.
ya know, for those of us who aren't psychic?
and if that ever happens i still won't read your shit poetry.
mainly cause of this conversation we've had here.
ya see, besides being an idiot and serious and "slow", i'm also pretty stubborn and snobby too. | yeah I noticed you are snobby and stubborn. But you are the only one who misses out, I should know, I'm stubborn and snobby too. |
06-06-2006, 02:41 AM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: canada
Posts: 1,427
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by HighClassHo yeah I noticed you are snobby and stubborn. But you are the only one who misses out, I should know, I'm stubborn and snobby too. | and yet, knowing that doesn't stop you from being stubborn and snobby either.
given our similarities in this aspect i'm surprised we don't lock horns more often.
i'll get some mad trolling work done though and see what i can do to remedy the situation.
i think it'll be good. | | Thread Tools | | | | Display Modes |  Linear Mode | 
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