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02-24-2007, 02:35 PM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 310
| | | The Woman Who Hated The World
I promise you the best story you will read, and I will blow you kisses if you do.
Her name was Mira Green. She was an ordinary woman, in an extra-ordinary city. Mira was a receptionist. An average job for an average woman. A woman who gave up
her unrealistic dreams when she was only tweenty to have her first child. Her husband was a school teacher and a good man. Together they raised the perfect household,
which was trashed everyday by her 3 kids. Life was routine. At night the family would eat together at the table, but not this night. Pass the broocoli said Mira. Nobody heard
her, in her soft voice. Her frail pale hand picked up the plate. As mira stood up. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" She screamed. Everyone was shocked. What? You
fucking heard me, ya hurrrd! Mira threw her plate against the wall. She pickled out the keys out of her pocket, and ran out of the house. It was raining and her grey night
gown became drenched. As she got into her car. She started driving. She took her credit card. She drove and she drove. Without any rest. Sick of the people in her life.
Sick of people. Mira had an extreme hate for people, she had bottled up. And living with 4 of them she realized made her life hell. Her first stop, Mira found a gun shop. She
bought a riffle. It's for hunting she said. The sleazy hick gave her without question, and without any registration. Lucky Mira. As she walked out she whispered under her
breath dead man walking. She drove and she drove. Finally she was there. The place she grew up. A small town in the middle of nowhere. The closest store was and hour
away by car. There was little shacks, and not many neighbors if any. Away from the people she hated. She camped out, and finally found the owner of the shack. She
bought the shack with almost all of her money. Giving him a offer he could'nt turn away. Mira went into her 3 rooms of a house. There it was a constant reminder of
the world. A television. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She screamed at the top of her loungs. She grabbed the tv, and threw it outside and she took a
match and burned it to the ground. She watched it burn and cried. She cried and spoke to herself. "Dear God, this fucking tv, burn it to hell." All of the pain it caused me
watching for years these people speak on it. These FUCKING PEOPLE!
Consuming peoples lives, and telling them how to live their life! This BOX!
Everyday Mira would rock in her rocking chair staring into space, with the riffle in her hand. Until it
happened, a family drove by for directions. It's been a week and she had'nt seen anyone. She did'nt know what do to. She felt sorry for them, until she heard them speak.
Mira hated cursing. She was right. It's dumb to call people body parts even if you don't think about it. But then the wife called the husband a dick, and he called her a pussy, and the child in the back said
asshole to her brother and her brother said motherfucker. And Mira's eyes grew with fire. How could she do this. Oh yes. Mira pulled her riffle and shot the driver first!
AHHHHHH! Everyone was screaming. He was dead shot in the face. Next she shot the wife. Once then twice. Blood everywhere. Mira smiled. Mira aimed at the children
but had a better idea for them. She pulled them out and tied them up. Mira was smiling. She stopped them. She put a stop to their cursing. Thy could'nt bother her
nomore. Mira kept the children in the shower. Motherfucker she mumbled, ha why cant a mother have sex.. dead man walking. Mira sat on her rocking chair, and sang
to herself."For the rest of my life, I will never see a human being" She laughed, she blushed, her hair was long wavy and grey. Every now and then she would see a car,
but never people. At 40 years old, mira finally found her place in life. But she was growing hungry, and she really would've hated going into town and seeing all of those
filth called people. She was against hunting as an animal rights activtist. The only other option was the children. But that was disgusting. She thought. But then a thought
came to her, she said if I eat the children they will turn to shit. She laughed. She laughed and laughed. She then started to think about the people of this world. The
people of this earth, hahaha when they die, bugs will eat them and they will turn to shit, where they are supposedly resting in peace. She laughed. Mira laughed for one
moment in her life she was truly happy. However she did'nt eat them. Her family tracked her down. And before the night was out, through credit card purchases. They had
pinpointed her out. Oh no! She said, I know that car. As she watched the face of the man she once loved come near. The family with shocked expression of happiness. Mira
ran for the hills. Dead man walking she shrieked. "DEAD MAN WALKING"! "MOM" She could hear them. hounding her like dogs. She crawled up, climbing a hill. She made it
to the top and waved her gun in the air. "THIS IS WHO I AM! MOTHER FUCKER!" Her family stood at the bottom shocked. Her voice hoarse "If I go out this world goes out
with me!" She rambled as her family backed away. YES THATS RIGHT she said BACK AWAY YOU COWARD BITCHES! It was war the world against her. She screamed and
she screamed. Herasey! This is Purgery! She wailed. Fuck you faggot! She took the gun to her head. The lights went out and Mira Green was a happy woman. Freed of
the people of this earth.  |
02-24-2007, 03:00 PM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 310
| | | C'mon bitchez comment it up hoez! |
02-24-2007, 03:10 PM
|  | ♪ | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: about:blank
Posts: 6,283
| | | We passed upon the stair, we spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
Which came as some surprise I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago
Oh no, not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World
I laughed and shook his hand, and made my way back home
I searched for form and land, for years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazely stare at all the millions here
We must have died alone, a long long time ago
Who knows? not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World
__________________
[ o ]==#
Yesterday was history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift - that's why it's called the present
- Babatunde Olatunji (and Kung Fu Panda)
|
02-24-2007, 03:15 PM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 310
| | | bitch stealing my thread! Fucking WHORE! lol. Your pretty good, but I am sure you didnt write that.
COmment my story now!!! |
02-24-2007, 03:16 PM
| | ♪ | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: about:blank
Posts: 6,283
| | | i'm no whore, whore.
get a better title.
__________________
[ o ]==#
Yesterday was history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift - that's why it's called the present
- Babatunde Olatunji (and Kung Fu Panda)
|
02-24-2007, 03:17 PM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 310
| | get a better title?
REALLY? So you liked it? Good!  Help me think of a title.. |
02-24-2007, 03:58 PM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 310
| | why da fuck do it says 69 views but no replys?  Cries! |
02-24-2007, 04:46 PM
|  | Chairman~MouseyTongue | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Chairman Meow
Posts: 7,044
| | | Why is the "hick" always described as sleazy?
Get original.
Its okay I guess, you 14? |
02-24-2007, 04:47 PM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 310
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by BleedingHeart Why is the "hick" always described as sleazy?
Get original.
Its okay I guess, you 14? | happy you liked it! No I am not 14! whatever! Wel lthe hick part was only a tiny part of it. |
02-24-2007, 05:06 PM
|  | Custom User Title | | Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: aBOUT work an dtit, read thes escru=ipts
Posts: 989
| | Quote:
...A woman who gave up her unrealistic dreams when she was only tweenty to have her first child. Her husband was a school teacher and a good man. Together they raised the perfect household {I tried raising households, but the mother kept eating them}, which was trashed everyday by her 3 kids. Life was routine. At night the family would eat together at the table, but not this night. Pass the broocoli said Mira. Nobody heard her, in her soft voice. Her frail pale hand picked up the plate. As mira stood up. {fragment sentences give me better head than any person} "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" She screamed. Everyone was shocked. What? You fucking heard me, ya hurrrd! {will fitty cent play Mira in the made-for-TV adaptation, or will the role go, predictably to Meredith Baxter-Birney?} Mira threw her plate against the wall. She pickled out the keys out of her pocket, and ran out of the house. It was raining and her grey night gown became drenched. As she got into her car. She started driving. She took her credit card. She drove and she drove. Without any rest. Sick of the people in her life. Sick of people. Mira had an extreme hate for people, she had bottled up. And living with 4 of them she realized made her life hell. Her first stop, Mira found a gun shop. She bought a riffle. It's for hunting she said. The sleazy hick gave her without question, and without any registration. {I like the addition of sleazy hick. It makes your story more credible.} Lucky Mira. As she walked out she whispered under her breath dead man walking. She drove and she drove. Finally she was there. The place she grew up. A small town in the middle of nowhere. The closest store was and hour
away by car. There was little shacks, and not many neighbors if any. Away from the people she hated. She camped out, and finally found the owner of the shack. She bought the shack with almost all of her money. {it's good that this shack in the middle of nowhere accepted visa-- it's everywhere you want to go!} Giving him a offer he could'nt turn away. Mira went into her 3 rooms of a house. There it was a constant reminder of
the world. A television. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She screamed at the top of her loungs. She grabbed the tv, and threw it outside and she took a match and burned it to the ground. {i didn't know TVs burned so well} She watched it burn and cried. She cried and spoke to herself. "Dear God, this fucking tv, burn it to hell." All of the pain it caused me watching for years these people speak on it. These FUCKING PEOPLE!
Consuming peoples lives, and telling them how to live their life! This BOX! Everyday Mira would rock in her rocking chair staring into space, with the riffle {ahh, the ubiquitous riffle.}in her hand. Until it
happened, a family drove by for directions. It's been a week and she had'nt seen anyone. She did'nt know what do to. She felt sorry for them, until she heard them speak. Mira hated cursing. She was right. It's dumb to call people body parts even if you don't think about it. But then the wife called the husband a dick, and he called her a pussy, and the child in the back said asshole to her brother and her brother said motherfucker. {apparently my family's summer vacation coincided with Mira's misadventures. chris says hi.} And Mira's eyes grew with fire. How could she do this. Oh yes. Mira pulled her riffle and shot the driver first! AHHHHHH! Everyone was screaming. He was dead shot in the face. Next she shot the wife. Once then twice. Blood everywhere. Mira smiled. Mira aimed at the children but had a better idea for them. She pulled them out and tied them up. Mira was smiling. She stopped them. She put a stop to their cursing. Thy could'nt bother her nomore. Mira kept the children in the shower. Motherfucker she mumbled, ha why cant a mother have sex.. dead man walking. Mira sat on her rocking chair, and sang to herself."For the rest of my life, I will never see a human being" She laughed, she blushed, her hair was long wavy and grey. Every now and then she would see a car, but never people {cars cannot drive themselves}. At 40 years old, mira finally found her place in life. But she was growing hungry, and she really would've hated going into town and seeing all of those filth called people. She was against hunting as an animal rights activtist. The only other option was the children. But that was disgusting. She thought. But then a thought came to her {using "but" here indicates that a thoguht camke to her DESPITE the fact that she was thinking. this is confusing for the reader}, she said if I eat the children they will turn to shit. She laughed. She laughed and laughed. She then started to think about the people of this world. The people of this earth, hahaha when they die, bugs will eat them and they will turn to shit, where they are supposedly resting in peace. She laughed. Mira laughed for one moment in her life she was truly happy. However she did'nt eat them. Her family tracked her down. And before the night was out, through credit card purchases {yoda?}. They had pinpointed her out {"out" is not necessary here}. Oh no! She said, I know that car. As she watched the face of the man she once loved come near.{fragment} The family with shocked expression of happiness. {fragment redux} Mira ran for the hills. Dead man walking she shrieked. "DEAD MAN WALKING"! "MOM" She could hear them. hounding her like dogs. She crawled up, climbing a hill. She made it to the top and waved her gun in the air. "THIS IS WHO I AM! MOTHER FUCKER!" Her family stood at the bottom shocked. Her voice hoarse "If I go out this world goes out with me!" She rambled as her family backed away. YES THATS RIGHT she said BACK AWAY YOU COWARD BITCHES! It was war the world against her. She screamed and she screamed. Herasey! This is Purgery! {these are pretend words}She wailed. Fuck you faggot! She took the gun to her head. The lights went out and Mira Green was a happy woman. Freed of {freed from}the people of this earth.
| Tomorrow class, I will expect two pages, double spaced on "Why Mira was so unhappy/happy"
and choose ONE of the following essay questions to answer in paragraph format.
1) What was the significance of the RIFFLE in this story? Why did Mira cling so tenuously to her RIFFLE?
2) Why did Mira think that if she put a stop to thy children's cursing thy could'nt bother her nomore?
3) Why did Mira pickle her keys? Do you think you would you pickle your keys if you were in Mira's position?
4) Imagine you are the sleazy hick that sold Mira the shack in the middle of nowhere on her Visa. How would you feel after what Mira did? |
02-24-2007, 05:42 PM
|  | a.k.a Madge Spammer | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Panama
Posts: 8,223
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Little Fury Tomorrow class, I will expect two pages, double spaced on
"Why Mira was so unhappy/happy"
and choose ONE of the following essay questions to answer in paragraph format.
1) What was the significance of the RIFFLE in this story? Why did Mira cling so tenuously to her RIFFLE?
2) Why did Mira think that if she put a stop to thy children's cursing thy could'nt bother her nomore?
3) Why did Mira pickle her keys? Do you think you would you pickle your keys if you were in Mira's position?
4) Imagine you are the sleazy hick that sold Mira the shack in the middle of nowhere on her Visa. How would you feel after what Mira did? | lol, answer this.
It has potential but you need to work on the writing, and add something, make her more compelling and interesting. Its good but it can be better. |
02-24-2007, 05:54 PM
|  | I Have a Kingmaker Too! | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Magic Pussyville
Posts: 511
| | | part two of class lesson, to help you learn & grow from your writing:
Why does Mira shift the focus of her hate from the TV to cursing to children?
Why has Mira removed herself from "civilization?"
If Mira is so opposed to cursing, why does she resort to it herself? Is there a catalyst for this transfer? Is it a reflection of what Mira has witnessed/participated in life?
And again, what is the importance of the riffle?
Suggestions:
-get or use WordPerfect or MS Office and use the spell check
- while stream of conciousness is "cool*" in a sense, it is always difficult to read, and you should consider complete senetences
- try using some different words for the same thing instead of repeating yourself. For example: In stead of shack, use lean-to
*see Joyce's Ulysses |
02-24-2007, 05:57 PM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 310
| | | thanks guys for all your input! You all are so sweet! |
02-24-2007, 06:08 PM
|  | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 783
| | | Ok I just saw the movie Sherry Baby with Maggie Gelleanyahl, and I think you should watch it.
it's really good but not too over the top unbelievable..voilent crazy druggy. It has a more subtle feeling that I think your story could use somehow... |
02-25-2007, 07:12 AM
|  | LOVE ANGEL MUSIC BABY | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: http://s20.bitefight.onet.pl/c.php?uid=43413
Posts: 620
| | <lol> it's quite long and i don't have anough time to read it now
but i promise i'll read later  |
02-25-2007, 07:18 AM
| | LOVE ANGEL MUSIC BABY | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: http://s20.bitefight.onet.pl/c.php?uid=43413
Posts: 620
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by celebrityskinned I promise you the best story you will read, and I will blow you kisses if you do.
Her name was Mira Green. She was an ordinary woman, in an extra-ordinary city. Mira was a receptionist. An average job for an average woman. A woman who gave up
her unrealistic dreams when she was only tweenty to have her first child. Her husband was a school teacher and a good man. Together they raised the perfect household,
which was trashed everyday by her 3 kids. Life was routine. At night the family would eat together at the table, but not this night. Pass the broocoli said Mira. Nobody heard
her, in her soft voice. Her frail pale hand picked up the plate. As mira stood up. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" She screamed. Everyone was shocked. What? You
fucking heard me, ya hurrrd! Mira threw her plate against the wall. She pickled out the keys out of her pocket, and ran out of the house. It was raining and her grey night
gown became drenched. As she got into her car. She started driving. She took her credit card. She drove and she drove. Without any rest. Sick of the people in her life.
Sick of people. Mira had an extreme hate for people, she had bottled up. And living with 4 of them she realized made her life hell. Her first stop, Mira found a gun shop. She
bought a riffle. It's for hunting she said. The sleazy hick gave her without question, and without any registration. Lucky Mira. As she walked out she whispered under her
breath dead man walking. She drove and she drove. Finally she was there. The place she grew up. A small town in the middle of nowhere. The closest store was and hour
away by car. There was little shacks, and not many neighbors if any. Away from the people she hated. She camped out, and finally found the owner of the shack. She
bought the shack with almost all of her money. Giving him a offer he could'nt turn away. Mira went into her 3 rooms of a house. There it was a constant reminder of
the world. A television. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She screamed at the top of her loungs. She grabbed the tv, and threw it outside and she took a
match and burned it to the ground. She watched it burn and cried. She cried and spoke to herself. "Dear God, this fucking tv, burn it to hell." All of the pain it caused me
watching for years these people speak on it. These FUCKING PEOPLE!
Consuming peoples lives, and telling them how to live their life! This BOX!
Everyday Mira would rock in her rocking chair staring into space, with the riffle in her hand. Until it
happened, a family drove by for directions. It's been a week and she had'nt seen anyone. She did'nt know what do to. She felt sorry for them, until she heard them speak.
Mira hated cursing. She was right. It's dumb to call people body parts even if you don't think about it. But then the wife called the husband a dick, and he called her a pussy, and the child in the back said
asshole to her brother and her brother said motherfucker. And Mira's eyes grew with fire. How could she do this. Oh yes. Mira pulled her riffle and shot the driver first!
AHHHHHH! Everyone was screaming. He was dead shot in the face. Next she shot the wife. Once then twice. Blood everywhere. Mira smiled. Mira aimed at the children
but had a better idea for them. She pulled them out and tied them up. Mira was smiling. She stopped them. She put a stop to their cursing. Thy could'nt bother her
nomore. Mira kept the children in the shower. Motherfucker she mumbled, ha why cant a mother have sex.. dead man walking. Mira sat on her rocking chair, and sang
to herself."For the rest of my life, I will never see a human being" She laughed, she blushed, her hair was long wavy and grey. Every now and then she would see a car,
but never people. At 40 years old, mira finally found her place in life. But she was growing hungry, and she really would've hated going into town and seeing all of those
filth called people. She was against hunting as an animal rights activtist. The only other option was the children. But that was disgusting. She thought. But then a thought
came to her, she said if I eat the children they will turn to shit. She laughed. She laughed and laughed. She then started to think about the people of this world. The
people of this earth, hahaha when they die, bugs will eat them and they will turn to shit, where they are supposedly resting in peace. She laughed. Mira laughed for one
moment in her life she was truly happy. However she did'nt eat them. Her family tracked her down. And before the night was out, through credit card purchases. They had
pinpointed her out. Oh no! She said, I know that car. As she watched the face of the man she once loved come near. The family with shocked expression of happiness. Mira
ran for the hills. Dead man walking she shrieked. "DEAD MAN WALKING"! "MOM" She could hear them. hounding her like dogs. She crawled up, climbing a hill. She made it
to the top and waved her gun in the air. "THIS IS WHO I AM! MOTHER FUCKER!" Her family stood at the bottom shocked. Her voice hoarse "If I go out this world goes out
with me!" She rambled as her family backed away. YES THATS RIGHT she said BACK AWAY YOU COWARD BITCHES! It was war the world against her. She screamed and
she screamed. Herasey! This is Purgery! She wailed. Fuck you faggot! She took the gun to her head. The lights went out and Mira Green was a happy woman. Freed of
the people of this earth. |
well, i will read your stroy, but in fact you called me 'office whore' on my thread!!! 
why?!??! noone knows at my work that i'm his girlfriend!!! |
02-25-2007, 11:07 AM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 310
| | | Thanks I'll check that movie out SOG!
As for you cattleya your such a whore you inspired this story. Just playin. Where all whores! |
02-26-2007, 03:24 AM
|  | Call me.....PLEASE | | Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: North Miami Beach, Florida
Posts: 2,859
| | | Wow nice story...
Its the exact opposite of Jesus..
Jesus who loved the world gave his life....
Woman who hated the world took a life... |
02-26-2007, 07:18 AM
|  | the war within | | Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,541
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Cattleya well, i will read your stroy, but in fact you called me 'office whore' on my thread!!!
why?!??! noone knows at my work that i'm his girlfriend!!! | stick to the topic, you cum-guzzling, homewrecking trollup.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by radiofriendly  I havent done crack except once in the eighties right after high school with my Taco Bell boss and meth tried a few times but so, so icky. | |
02-26-2007, 07:21 AM
| | Chairman~MouseyTongue | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Chairman Meow
Posts: 7,044
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by zoanthropy Wow nice story...
Its the exact opposite of Jesus..
Jesus who loved the world gave his life....
Woman who hated the world took a life... | Thats probably the most profound thing you've ever come up with...or ever most likely to.......  | |
